Feel What You Feel, but Don’t Go It Alone

“Of course I’m delusional! Do you know how hard it is to stay positive all the time?” – Joy, Inside Out

If you’re like me, you can be innocently scrolling through cute puppy videos when an awful bit of news pops into your feed. Sometimes I freeze in fear. Sometimes I feel furious. Sometimes I numb out with a movie and snacks. More than once, I’ve resentfully sworn off social media, but then I come back. If any of these sound familiar, you’re not alone.

In times like these, it’s normal to feel a flood of emotions. How can you not? Democratic institutions are under assault, cruelty is justified from podiums, and the news brings daily shocks that evoke fear, rage, hopelessness, and even numbness. Sometimes we feel all of them (and more) in the span of a single day.

As a concerned citizen, these feelings are real and normal. You might be tempted to push them away or try to stay positive. Allow me to encourage you to welcome your emotions, but don’t do it all alone.

Many Voices Within

If you’ve seen the movie, Inside Out, the main character has five inner voices: Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust. We all have voices like this within that speak to us and help us interpret the events of the world around us. In this time of political uncertainty, they may even be speaking more loudly than usual. For example: 

• When the administration silences media personalities, a part of you might feel afraid and whisper, “Hide. You’re in danger.”
  
• When the current administration fails at honoring democratic norms, a part of you mutters, “This is a disaster. Why even try speaking up when no one is listening?”
  
• When our own government violates basic human rights, another part may rise in righteous anger: “This is wrong! I have to do something to defend my rights and others’ rights!”
  
• When the barrage of news becomes unbearable, another voice insists, “I’m done. I’ve got to turn it all off. I have to protect my mental health.”

None of these messages is wrong. In fact, each response you experience carries a valid perspective, shaped by a lifetime of experiences and values that are unique to you. The problem arises when these voices take turns hijacking your sense of well-being. Ping-ponging between outrage, despair, withdrawal, frantic activity, and worst-case scenarios can be exhausting. For some of us, this roller coaster of emotions can bring us to a breaking point where we want to (or actually do) give up, give in, or check out for good. 

If we care about our nation and the people who reside here, it’s essential for each of us to find ways to address the wide range of emotions that come up every time we hear the latest news. While there is value in reflective writing and intentional self-talk, I believe that sorting through our emotions alone is difficult because no single voice tells the whole truth. To find balance, we need others who can witness our experience, help us hold the complexity of this moment, and remind us of where we’re going long term.

Why Community Matters

When witnessed by people you trust, being in community can help integrate your feelings and reactions. This experience can calm your inner voices enough to hear what’s really important. 

Four benefits of community include:

1. Perspective and grounding
Left to ourselves, one voice can take over and convince us its perspective is the only reality. Friends and supportive companions offer perspective that anchors us in truth. Whether via a weekly coffee date, a check-in Zoom call, or even a text exchange, connecting with others can remind you: despair isn’t the whole story. Anger isn’t the whole story. Fear isn’t the whole story. They’re all important threads in a larger tapestry, guiding us into action. The varied perspectives of others keep us from being pulled under by one emotion alone.

2. Witnessing and validation.
It’s powerful simply to be heard. Whether in therapy, a support group, or a circle of trusted friends, you can voice your fear or rage without being told to calm down or “look on the bright side.” You can be honest. When someone looks you in the eye and says, I get it. That makes total sense, your nervous system softens. The feelings don’t disappear, but they become right-sized and valuable as a north star, guiding your future actions.

3. Collective wisdom.
No one person has every answer needed to live through these times. Older people, for example, have wisdom from the tumult of the ‘60s and ‘70s. Younger people have skillful digital strategies for communication and connection. Together, we contain a vast encyclopedia of practices and insights that are keys to persevering. The point is showing up and being open. A friend might share a grounding exercise that helps you calm feelings of anxiety. A fellow activist might suggest a viewpoint that reframes your exhaustion. The other day, an activist friend stepped down from a big role, reminding me that calibrating your activism to your current capacities is vital. At its core, community multiplies the resources and ideas available to you.

4. Sustained courage.
If only our emotions arrived on a neat schedule! Some days despair feels absolutely awful and immobilizing. Other days the only urge is to shut down our emotions and fantasize about moving away. But when we’re woven into community, these unpredictable feelings can be held with others when we can’t do it alone. For me, being part of our 30+ person team at AoCC has taught me, again and again, that courage—when shared back and forth—keeps us moving together, even when an inner voice is urging us to give up.

How to Be Witnessed

So where do we find this kind of support? Honestly, the exact form matters less than choosing people who can listen without rushing you to a conclusion. That’s the litmus test. Here are some tried and true options: 

• Therapy or counseling. A trained professional can help you name your feelings and make space for them without judgment. Internal Family Systems is one option I personally find useful.
  
• Peer support groups. Whether it’s a faith-based group providing community care, a support group like Al-Anon, a political community circle, or a group for activists, a place to share our own experiences with others—and witness others’ experiences—builds solidarity and strength.
  
• Intentional check-ins. A dear friend and I always start our conversations by sharing the same four things in our check-ins: “How are you—mind, body, heart, and spirit?” This helps us move past the superficial, “I’m fine, how are you.” It’s especially helpful to set a time for a weekly coffee, a standing phone call, or even a text thread with an open-ended question among friends. This creates space for honest sharing.
  
• Faith or spiritual communities. For some, prayer circles, tai chi, yoga, or other intentional small groups can provide a sense of grounding and belonging. Try a few to find the right fit for you.
  
• Creative spaces. Joining groups that focus on expressive, non-competitive writing, poetry, visual art, singing, or music-making can provide you a space for emotions to be expressed and witnessed even beyond words. 

Staying on the Path Toward Justice

At the heart of it, community isn’t just about self-care. It’s about sustaining our collective desire to bring justice into our communities and our nation. Carrying emotions alone or ignoring them increases stress, and risks burnout, numbness, or despair. All of these outcomes only serve those in power who would like us to give up.

When you acknowledge your inner voices, share them in trusted spaces, and integrate them into a fuller picture, you build resilience. Fear can coexist with courage. Despair can sit alongside stubborn hope. Anger can fuel creative action rather than destructive rage or eventual burnout.

Community Throughout History

In community, we work in tandem. Rosa Parks wasn’t a brave woman on a bus. She was part of an entire community of people in Montgomery who were creatively and strategically resisting injustice. During the bus boycott, many other people refused to give up their seat and were arrested by police. Rosa Parks was simply the proverbial final straw. When Rosa Parks acted, she knew she wasn’t acting alone. Hundreds of others were doing likewise, with many thousands more supporting their collective bravery in other ways. 

Throughout history, people have chosen to show up and support each other through fear, loss, and uncertainty–and to celebrate wins big and small. This is what advances justice over time. When we learn to witness our inner voices and each other, we can remain steady on the path, even when the ground shakes.

So Take a Moment Right Now

You don’t have to be always positive. Or negative. Just feel what you feel. Breathe. Let the voices of fear, anger, and weariness speak up loud and clear. 

In a time when those in power benefit from our silence and disconnection, it is an act of resistance to find people who care and understand. Be proactive in seeking out community and connecting regularly and intentionally. When our emotions are witnessed, our inner voices find their rightful place—as valuable information that we can use to keep moving together toward the world we long for.

Let’s start here. If you want, take a moment to share in the comments those four things my friend and I check in with: How are you–body, mind, heart, and spirit? Your sharing might be just the thing others need to read.

In solidarity,
Jen Hofmann
AoCC Founder and Director

P.S. If you’d like to experience supportive community this fall, we have several classes coming up. We put a strong focus on participation in our classes to create a welcoming space to express yourself. Sign up here for more information (coming soon!).